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| funny stuff - stories, quotes, pictures, etc that made me smile |
* Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.
* Mildred, the church gossip, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business.
Several members did not approve of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain
their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new church member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one
afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it
there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and then just turned and
walked away. He didn’t explain, defend, or deny… He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house …
Walked home… And left it there all night.
You Gotta love George.
*Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party.
remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he
did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite
dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What
happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee
table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you
ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the
right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he
did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of
aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!
Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around
the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the
bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in
red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in Lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite
dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... What
happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee
table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you
ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean?
I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to
take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table: $239.99. Hot Breakfast: $4.20. Two Aspirins: $.38. Saying the
right thing, at the right time. . . PRICELESS!!!
* Airplane Humor:
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will
be asked to leave the plane immediately."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this
airplane..."
"Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will
be asked to leave the plane immediately."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this
airplane..."
beginning to retrieve luggage from the overhead bins. The head attendant announced on the intercom, "This
aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers
not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched
as they leave the aircraft."
aircraft is equipped with a video surveillance system that monitors the cabin during taxiing. Any passengers
not remaining in their seats until the aircraft comes to a full and complete stop at the gate will be strip-searched
as they leave the aircraft."